This post is going to get very real....so read on if you dare!!! You can get to know me a little better :)
Anyone ever struggle with their weight? Ever since I was little I was the "bigger"girl. In high school I lost some weight but after I graduated I blew up like a hot air balloon. I was married before Scott (yes, I have been married twice and I'm only 25) to a man that was my high school sweetheart. We started dating when I was in 11th grade and we got married in 2003. I was with him until early 2007. In my first marriage, I got so big it was ridiculous. I think I weighed over 180 pounds...and on my wedding day I wore a size 18 dress. In 2004 I started working out. I was sick of how I looked and I was determined to make a change. Running, lifting weights, walking, stomach exercises, etc. I slowly started losing weight. I still ate everything I wanted, I can remember telling my ex husband to bring me home Taco Bell at 3:00 in the morning...like 3 times a week hehe :)
It took me 2 years to lose all the weight that I wanted to. I reached my goal of 115. I had said I wanted to get down to 130...but once I was there I wanted to be even smaller. It was really an addiction. So I lost a total of 65 pounds. My divorce from my first husband was a mutual agreement. It ended smoothly and we agreed on everything. We had no kids together which made everything a lot easier. We separated in February of 2007 and our divorce was final in September of 2007. He did support me with my weight loss but I think he thought I lost too much weight.
Now, I must talk about this. After losing all that weight it did a number on my ta ta's. I didn't have much there before and what I did have was pretty much gone. I didn't have a "normal" looking chest. It was quite gross to look at. They were two different sizes (which is normal) but mine were weird looking. Like the shape of a triangle. Haha. Seriously. I had wanted to have breast implants put in while I was married to my first husband but he never supported me on that. So, guess what? After we separated, my booty went st8 to the plastic surgeon and made an appointment. I wasn't doing this to just have my boobs bigger. I was doing it to feel like a woman, to feel normal, to have them the same size and to fill out my clothes better. I had the surgery in July of 2007. My doctor was amazing!!!
After I had my surgery, I gained some weight and got up to 135. I hated it. I felt so disgusting just because of all the hard work I had done. And weight was such a big issue with me. Some of you are probably thinking that 135 is a great weight (and it is!!!) and I'm crazy for thinking that way. It's just when you are so addicted to losing weight, it really takes a toll on your mind!
A few months after my divorce was final I met Scott. We dated for over a year before we got married. I said I would never get married again...but life happens :) Scott is so much fun, something that had been missing in my life! And he supports me on everything I do :) I have lost the weight that I gained from my surgery, I am now staying between 115-119. I'm trying not to let my weight bother me so much. I have an obsession with the scale and those numbers that look back at me. I want to be the smallest thing possible but I know that will never happen. Plus, I need to look healthy. I watch what I eat and I consume tons of fiber in a day to keep me on track :)
Sorry such a long post but I needed to let all of this out :) I'm just having one of those days :) :) :)
5 hours ago