Journaling:
On Jan. 11th,2009, I had the biggest surprise of my life. I found out I was pregnant! I had so many emotions running through my body. Scott was in shock but a HAPPY shock. As the days went on my excitement grew and the fear started to fade. I was going to be a mommy! Scott was going to be a daddy!
On January 26th ,2009 we received horrible news. I had to go to the ER for bleeding and severe cramps. They did an ultrasound and confirmed I was having a miscarriage. It was the worst thing I have ever had to go through mentally & physically. I had so many thoughts going through my head. What did I do wrong? Why me? What could I have done different? Time healed my heart, as it did Scott's. We decided we wanted to try again for a baby. I thought it would take many months to happen. Maybe even years.
To my surprise, on June 13th, 2009, I found out I was pregnant again. I thought to myself it is REALLY going to happen this time. I ate right, got enough rest and told myself everyday that Scott and I were going to be the BEST parents in the world. I was seeing a doctor in Louisville every 2 weeks to make sure my HCG level was rising and that I was producing enough progesterone. Everything was going great!
On July 1st I woke up with some bleeding . I called my doctor and he scheduled an ultrasound that same day. Scott took off of work early and drove me to Louisville. As we were driving, my bleeding became severe and I started cramping. By the time we got to the clinic I was in so much pain. I thought I was going to pass out. They confirmed, again, that I was having another miscarriage.
To this day, my heart is still trying to heal from this. I still ask myself all the whys and whats but I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this. It is NOT my fault. I want to have a baby with Scott more than anything. I want to have what everyone else around me seems to have. When our hearts have healed, we will try again. I keep telling myself, everything happens for a reason. In loving memory of both babies lost at 8 weeks and 5 weeks.
I know exactly..and it totally is not fair.
ReplyDeletePraying for a baby that stays...and it will happen.
aww that's so sad, im so sorry girl. i can't even imagine how you felt. :( I REALLY hope you guys are okay, and I KNOW itll happen someday, you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteYour layout is beautiful! I love it, love the colors, flowers, journaling and pic. :)
Honey You have me in tears. I feel like I'm right back there. Miscarraiges hurt so much and the more you have the most depressing it gets. I hate how others cant understand that too. I went through this 4 times before a successful pregnancy with Blake. I was so scared with him the entire time. I was High Risk and was seem weekly for the first 6 months. It hurt so much when you cant have what you want and eveyone around you gets it so easily (or so it seems).
ReplyDeleteWHEN you get pregnant again try taking one childrens tylenol daily. My doctor suggested it with Blake and I honestly think it worked for me. Also get your thyroid checked out. I hope this in not your case, bc they are nothing they can do for it, but I have been labeled at habitual aborter.
I have a LO similar to this in my gallery called Hope.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for the comments. It means so much to me. Cathy, I will check out that layout!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Kristen.... I am SO sorry :( I wish I had the courage you do. There are no words to describe how terrible it all is...what a nightmare it is all is. You will have a healthy baby, don't you worry. Like my family keeps re-assuring me. "The 3rd time is a charm" I am always here for you if you want to talk. I would have loved to have a friend during my miscarrages. I felt, still feel so alone in my sadness :( You have inspired me to talk about it. (sorry to babble, I am in tears reading your story..i so understand.)
ReplyDelete