This layout means the world to me. It was very hard to make but very therapeutic at the same time. I am so glad I can share this with you. It has been a VERY emotional 2009. Scott & I are so lucky to have great friends and family members that have helped us get through this. Thank you for taking the time to read this. And for those of you who have went through what I have, know you are not alone and it is OK to talk about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On Jan. 11th,2009, I had the biggest surprise of my life. I found out I was pregnant! I had so many emotions running through my body. Scott was in shock but a HAPPY shock. As the days went on my excitement grew and the fear started to fade. I was going to be a mommy! Scott was going to be a daddy!
On January 26th ,2009 we received horrible news. I had to go to the ER for bleeding and severe cramps. They did an ultrasound and confirmed I was having a miscarriage. It was the worst thing I have ever had to go through mentally & physically. I had so many thoughts going through my head. What did I do wrong? Why me? What could I have done different? Time healed my heart, as it did Scott's. We decided we wanted to try again for a baby. I thought it would take many months to happen. Maybe even years.
To my surprise, on June 13th, 2009, I found out I was pregnant again. I thought to myself it is REALLY going to happen this time. I ate right, got enough rest and told myself everyday that Scott and I were going to be the BEST parents in the world. I was seeing a doctor in Louisville every 2 weeks to make sure my HCG level was rising and that I was producing enough progesterone. Everything was going great!
On July 1st I woke up with some bleeding . I called my doctor and he scheduled an ultrasound that same day. Scott took off of work early and drove me to Louisville. As we were driving, my bleeding became severe and I started cramping. By the time we got to the clinic I was in so much pain. I thought I was going to pass out. They confirmed, again, that I was having another miscarriage.
To this day, my heart is still trying to heal from this. I still ask myself all the whys and whats but I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this. It is NOT my fault. I want to have a baby with Scott more than anything. I want to have what everyone else around me seems to have. When our hearts have healed, we will try again. I keep telling myself, everything happens for a reason. In loving memory of both babies lost at 8 weeks and 5 weeks.
Let's Be Lazy
3 days ago